The Great Mommy Debate

As a single, childless woman who is getting "up there" in years, I am pretty sure that I don't want to have kids. Ever. It's not that I hate kids, I just can't picture myself raising them. I don't know that I have what it takes to do the mom job and do it well. I know that if I have them, I'll figure it out like so many before me, but I just don't know that it's a path I want to go down.

I am in my 30's now, and have noticed that there seems to be an unspoken rift in the world between women who have children and women who don't. Not every circle of friends is like this. My social circle functions smoothly and is comprised of moms and non moms who coexist in peace and harmony - most of the time. But I've seen women ditch their friends when they get pregnant. Conversely, I've seen mothers who look at the childless with a sense of pity. And I wonder to myself - why is there all of this animosity between moms and non moms? There is absolutely no reason that it should be this way.

The first lesson that Big Girl Panties is teaching is to get along! We are women, we should be ganging up on men, not on each other!

For the childless, know this:
1. Your friend who just had her first kid is scared shitless. She second guesses herself at every turn and wonders whether or not she is about to give her kid ebola/rabies/psycological trauma, etc. I know you miss your party friend, but she's in a new phase of life at the moment (and when the kids are older, party mom may just rear her head again for occasional old times).
2. She hasn't been getting a lot of sleep. Her new child doesn't care that she needs 8 hours of sleep to function. It will cry and wish to be fed whenever it wants. Cut her some slack.
3. Your friend who has lots of kids doesn't really have a lot of time on her hands. She's got a lot of stuff going on. She isn't intentionally ignoring your calls. It's really tough to get to the phone when she is standing in the middle of the grocery store and Billy is screaming "shit!" at the top of his lungs.
4. Just cause your friend is a mom doesn't mean that she's no longer fun. Invite her out once in awhile. She could use the grown up time.

For the moms, know this:
1. Your childless friend loves your kid, but she doesn't want to talk about it all the time. I know that you think her new nail polish, cooking class, trip to Europe pails in comparison to Billy screaming "shit!" at the top of his lungs at the grocery store, but these things mean something to her. Listen.
2. Some women don't look at not having kids as a failure. Some women are childless by choice. Please don't ask her, "so when are you having kids?" This question makes her skin crawl. (Unless she wants them, just not right now. Then the question is more of a mild annoyance. Don't ask it.)
3. Your single friend doesn't really want to meet every single friend that your husband has. Please stop trying to pair her off. Things will move along on their own.

There really isn't any reason that we can't all get along. Think of it this way - if you're a mom with childless friends, you have a plethora of babysitters at your disposal (just be considerate and don't ask all the time). You've got people who care about you, and by extension care about your kids. And one more thing: we love you, and we love your kids, but we never want you to lose yourself. Hang out with us and remind yourself who you used to be once in awhile. Me time = more productive mommy time.

If you're a childless woman with mom friends, this is for you - you never have to discipline the kids. You can give them cake for dinner and let them go to bed at 10. You don't have to yell at them. You always have an excuse to like Justin Beiber, Selena Gomez and Wizards of Waverly Place.

As long as we are all willing to respect each other's life choices with an air of mutual respect, we can all coexist in peace and harmony. Remember that other people's choices may be different, but that doesn't make them wrong. Just respect your friends for who they are. And keep a diverse mix.