Yep. Song lyrics provide the best titles. Which brings me to... my point. The first time I heard that song, I cried like a baby. Because we've all been there. The one that got away, the one you can't get over, the one that you haven't met yet. We have all spent a little too much time with a bottle of wine on a Saturday night and have felt that old feeling. The urge to reach out and touch someone.
If smart phones were smart, they would come equipped with a breathalyzer that automatically blocked your phone from dialing anoyone but a cab or 911 when you had a high BAC. But until some dude from MIT invents an app for that, we are left to self monitor, which is rarely successful.
As a big girl, I have made my fair share of drunk phone calls at 3 am. And I have done the drunk text. These days, such calls and texts are limited to my girl friends who usually make fun of me the next day, but I have pretty much canned the crazy when it comes to guys. And here is why.
Drunk dials aren't endearing. If a guy takes you up on your drunk dial, then you are usually left picking up the pieces the next day. Instead of feeling gratification and empowerment, the next day often comes with a hangover and a feeling of complete and total self loathing. They don't call it the Walk of Shame for nothing. (Unless you're into that sort of thing. Then you go get yours, sista! I'm not judging.)
Drunk dials aren't cute. As Greg Behrendt states in his book, He's Just Not That Into You, if a guy isn't calling you, he probably doesn't want to. This doesn't go for all men, of course, but it's a good rule of thumb. And those misspelled ramblings at 3 am aren't going to open his eyes to what a wonderful person you are. (You are wonderful. If a guy can't see that, then move on.)
Drunk dials aren't going to make him come running back/to you. As mentioned above, this is not the way to win the affections of a romance gone awry. These things go sour for a reason, and although booze can make for great nostalgia, you're probably sugar coating all of the awful things about this person. Like the fact that he made fun of your awesome new hat, or the fact that he hasn't read a book since the seventh grade.
My point is that it's never okay to drink dial. More often than not it leads to a tear in your beer. So do us all a favor and hang up the phone. Give it to a trusted friend for safe keeping. Otherwise you'll end up like me - tweeting from a bathroom at 1am. Ah good times.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Just the Way You Are
Unlike many Americans, I still listen to the radio on the regular. With the invention of in car audio options such as CD and mp3 players and online streaming sites that customize music, radio is no longer the belle of the ball. I like the radio. I'm a creature of habit, and my morning and afternoon routines involve my favorite DJ's bantering back and forth with their listeners.
Unfortunately, this means that I am subjected to listening to the same 10 songs over and over on every station. One song that is on heavy rotation at this point in time is "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars. While I admit that the sentiment is sweet, the song lyrics annoy me. A lot.
There is a line in the song that states, "I know when I compliment her she won't believe me," and later, "Her laugh she hates but I think it's so sexy." I think that this song speaks to far too many women in the US, and I need to say - STOP IT!!!
This self degradation is all too commonplace, and although Bruno Mars may think it's cute, your best girlfriends think it's highly obnoxious (well, not all of them. Most of them are probably guilty of it as well). Why do we as women find it so hard to take a compliment? And conversely, why do we feel the need to fish for them? ("oh no, you look amazing in those jeans." "Really? I had two mochaccinos. I'm totally fat." "No you're not!" blah, blah, BLEH!!)
It's time for us to quit bonding over self loathing. (I too am guilty of this, btw.) Next time you feel the need to put yourself down, flip the script and pay yourself a compliment. Do you spend time harping on your unbouncy hair? Get a teasing comb and some root lifter and tell yourself how pretty your eyes are instead. Find at least ten things that you like about yourself, and use these as your go-to compliments until you've successfully flogged the negative nelly right out of your head.
Learn how to take a compliment as well. When someone says you look pretty, just say thank you. They won't think that you're snooty, arrogant, or self centered if you are sincere. It's okay to acknowledge that you agree.
Self acceptance breeds confidence which helps improve every aspect of our lives. Come on girls - let's really give Bruno something to think about, because we are all amazing - Just the Way We Are (YEAH!)
Unfortunately, this means that I am subjected to listening to the same 10 songs over and over on every station. One song that is on heavy rotation at this point in time is "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars. While I admit that the sentiment is sweet, the song lyrics annoy me. A lot.
There is a line in the song that states, "I know when I compliment her she won't believe me," and later, "Her laugh she hates but I think it's so sexy." I think that this song speaks to far too many women in the US, and I need to say - STOP IT!!!
This self degradation is all too commonplace, and although Bruno Mars may think it's cute, your best girlfriends think it's highly obnoxious (well, not all of them. Most of them are probably guilty of it as well). Why do we as women find it so hard to take a compliment? And conversely, why do we feel the need to fish for them? ("oh no, you look amazing in those jeans." "Really? I had two mochaccinos. I'm totally fat." "No you're not!" blah, blah, BLEH!!)
It's time for us to quit bonding over self loathing. (I too am guilty of this, btw.) Next time you feel the need to put yourself down, flip the script and pay yourself a compliment. Do you spend time harping on your unbouncy hair? Get a teasing comb and some root lifter and tell yourself how pretty your eyes are instead. Find at least ten things that you like about yourself, and use these as your go-to compliments until you've successfully flogged the negative nelly right out of your head.
Learn how to take a compliment as well. When someone says you look pretty, just say thank you. They won't think that you're snooty, arrogant, or self centered if you are sincere. It's okay to acknowledge that you agree.
Self acceptance breeds confidence which helps improve every aspect of our lives. Come on girls - let's really give Bruno something to think about, because we are all amazing - Just the Way We Are (YEAH!)
Monday, February 14, 2011
Work it - Own it
As a big girl, it is important to start owning your life decisions, and this includes the bad ones. There comes a time when we all need to be held accountable for our lives. "It's not my fault," is one of the most wretched phrases to ever grace the English language. Almost everything in your life is at least partially your fault. Sometimes things happen that are out of our control - like being blindsided in an intersection because some fool is texting and driving. But most of the things in our life are attributable to us.
For example, if you are currently working in a job that you hate, it's up to you to fix it. You are the one who accepted the job, and you are the one that is reaping the consequences. Yes, I know that there are bills to pay and obligations to be met. But no situation is permanent. Use your daily discord to identify what it is you really want to do. We have to spend approximately 45-50 years of our lives working, and there's no use being miserable on a daily basis. Take an assessment of what you like, what inspires you and transferable skills and change your career. Find out what it takes to make this a reality and do it. No excuses.
If leaving your job is really not a reality at this time, it's up to you to change your reaction to it. Find extracurricular activites that you love. The more your free time is occupied with things that you are passionate about, the easier it is to toil away at a less than perfect job. Get a journal and write down things that you appreciate about your job. There's got to be at least one thing that you like. Is it your coworkers? Your industry? People that you meet everyday? Write these things on a sticky note if you have to.
Next, if you really want a boyfriend, then it's up to you to make it happen! (But there's no good men out there; all the good ones are taken; I'll never find anyone as good as my ex; blah, blah blah. I've used every exuse in the book. You don't get my sympathy.) Although, I will preface this by saying that you need to unpack your bags before you can have a healthy relationship. If you keep attracting douchebags, you need to figure out why and clear the old "issues" out of your life. You can only attract a healthy relationship if you are in a healthy state of mind. Otherwise, all of the good ones will eventually be driven away by your neediness, clinginess, jealousy, coldness, daddy issues, etc.
One you've unloaded your baggage, go out and mingle! Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to meet people in other places than a bar or on dating websites (although it is trickier in a smaller location). My main advice is to stop looking and go places you enjoy. If you are outdoorsy, join a hiking group or an outside workout class such as bootcamp or a coed, adult sports league. If you love art, take a painting class, or attend some lectures at the art museum. Catch my drift? Doing things that you enjoy puts you in an environment to meet people who share common interests. You need to get out there and do things. Mr. Right is not going to knock on your door while you are at home in your pj's eating cookie dough ice cream and watching season 1 of The Vampire Diaries on Netflix (although the guys in TVD are pretty hot). They invented DVR so that we could all go out and have lives.
Being accountable is tough and it takes practice. For this reason, enlist some good friends to help you stick to it. Make lists of smaller steps that you can take to achieve your goals. And for the love of Pete, please own the fact that you are responsible for your life. Don't play the blame game. Don't employ the green-eyed monster. Other people may have things that you want, but you don't know their circumstances. Maybe they worked day and night to get where they are. Maybe their "charmed" life includes parents who they never talk to. Maybe their "perfect" marriage isn't as perfect as you think it is. We all have our own lots in life. Your life is yours, so own it.
For example, if you are currently working in a job that you hate, it's up to you to fix it. You are the one who accepted the job, and you are the one that is reaping the consequences. Yes, I know that there are bills to pay and obligations to be met. But no situation is permanent. Use your daily discord to identify what it is you really want to do. We have to spend approximately 45-50 years of our lives working, and there's no use being miserable on a daily basis. Take an assessment of what you like, what inspires you and transferable skills and change your career. Find out what it takes to make this a reality and do it. No excuses.
If leaving your job is really not a reality at this time, it's up to you to change your reaction to it. Find extracurricular activites that you love. The more your free time is occupied with things that you are passionate about, the easier it is to toil away at a less than perfect job. Get a journal and write down things that you appreciate about your job. There's got to be at least one thing that you like. Is it your coworkers? Your industry? People that you meet everyday? Write these things on a sticky note if you have to.
Next, if you really want a boyfriend, then it's up to you to make it happen! (But there's no good men out there; all the good ones are taken; I'll never find anyone as good as my ex; blah, blah blah. I've used every exuse in the book. You don't get my sympathy.) Although, I will preface this by saying that you need to unpack your bags before you can have a healthy relationship. If you keep attracting douchebags, you need to figure out why and clear the old "issues" out of your life. You can only attract a healthy relationship if you are in a healthy state of mind. Otherwise, all of the good ones will eventually be driven away by your neediness, clinginess, jealousy, coldness, daddy issues, etc.
One you've unloaded your baggage, go out and mingle! Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to meet people in other places than a bar or on dating websites (although it is trickier in a smaller location). My main advice is to stop looking and go places you enjoy. If you are outdoorsy, join a hiking group or an outside workout class such as bootcamp or a coed, adult sports league. If you love art, take a painting class, or attend some lectures at the art museum. Catch my drift? Doing things that you enjoy puts you in an environment to meet people who share common interests. You need to get out there and do things. Mr. Right is not going to knock on your door while you are at home in your pj's eating cookie dough ice cream and watching season 1 of The Vampire Diaries on Netflix (although the guys in TVD are pretty hot). They invented DVR so that we could all go out and have lives.
Being accountable is tough and it takes practice. For this reason, enlist some good friends to help you stick to it. Make lists of smaller steps that you can take to achieve your goals. And for the love of Pete, please own the fact that you are responsible for your life. Don't play the blame game. Don't employ the green-eyed monster. Other people may have things that you want, but you don't know their circumstances. Maybe they worked day and night to get where they are. Maybe their "charmed" life includes parents who they never talk to. Maybe their "perfect" marriage isn't as perfect as you think it is. We all have our own lots in life. Your life is yours, so own it.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
The Great Mommy Debate
As a single, childless woman who is getting "up there" in years, I am pretty sure that I don't want to have kids. Ever. It's not that I hate kids, I just can't picture myself raising them. I don't know that I have what it takes to do the mom job and do it well. I know that if I have them, I'll figure it out like so many before me, but I just don't know that it's a path I want to go down.
I am in my 30's now, and have noticed that there seems to be an unspoken rift in the world between women who have children and women who don't. Not every circle of friends is like this. My social circle functions smoothly and is comprised of moms and non moms who coexist in peace and harmony - most of the time. But I've seen women ditch their friends when they get pregnant. Conversely, I've seen mothers who look at the childless with a sense of pity. And I wonder to myself - why is there all of this animosity between moms and non moms? There is absolutely no reason that it should be this way.
The first lesson that Big Girl Panties is teaching is to get along! We are women, we should be ganging up on men, not on each other!
For the childless, know this:
1. Your friend who just had her first kid is scared shitless. She second guesses herself at every turn and wonders whether or not she is about to give her kid ebola/rabies/psycological trauma, etc. I know you miss your party friend, but she's in a new phase of life at the moment (and when the kids are older, party mom may just rear her head again for occasional old times).
2. She hasn't been getting a lot of sleep. Her new child doesn't care that she needs 8 hours of sleep to function. It will cry and wish to be fed whenever it wants. Cut her some slack.
3. Your friend who has lots of kids doesn't really have a lot of time on her hands. She's got a lot of stuff going on. She isn't intentionally ignoring your calls. It's really tough to get to the phone when she is standing in the middle of the grocery store and Billy is screaming "shit!" at the top of his lungs.
4. Just cause your friend is a mom doesn't mean that she's no longer fun. Invite her out once in awhile. She could use the grown up time.
For the moms, know this:
1. Your childless friend loves your kid, but she doesn't want to talk about it all the time. I know that you think her new nail polish, cooking class, trip to Europe pails in comparison to Billy screaming "shit!" at the top of his lungs at the grocery store, but these things mean something to her. Listen.
2. Some women don't look at not having kids as a failure. Some women are childless by choice. Please don't ask her, "so when are you having kids?" This question makes her skin crawl. (Unless she wants them, just not right now. Then the question is more of a mild annoyance. Don't ask it.)
3. Your single friend doesn't really want to meet every single friend that your husband has. Please stop trying to pair her off. Things will move along on their own.
There really isn't any reason that we can't all get along. Think of it this way - if you're a mom with childless friends, you have a plethora of babysitters at your disposal (just be considerate and don't ask all the time). You've got people who care about you, and by extension care about your kids. And one more thing: we love you, and we love your kids, but we never want you to lose yourself. Hang out with us and remind yourself who you used to be once in awhile. Me time = more productive mommy time.
If you're a childless woman with mom friends, this is for you - you never have to discipline the kids. You can give them cake for dinner and let them go to bed at 10. You don't have to yell at them. You always have an excuse to like Justin Beiber, Selena Gomez and Wizards of Waverly Place.
As long as we are all willing to respect each other's life choices with an air of mutual respect, we can all coexist in peace and harmony. Remember that other people's choices may be different, but that doesn't make them wrong. Just respect your friends for who they are. And keep a diverse mix.
I am in my 30's now, and have noticed that there seems to be an unspoken rift in the world between women who have children and women who don't. Not every circle of friends is like this. My social circle functions smoothly and is comprised of moms and non moms who coexist in peace and harmony - most of the time. But I've seen women ditch their friends when they get pregnant. Conversely, I've seen mothers who look at the childless with a sense of pity. And I wonder to myself - why is there all of this animosity between moms and non moms? There is absolutely no reason that it should be this way.
The first lesson that Big Girl Panties is teaching is to get along! We are women, we should be ganging up on men, not on each other!
For the childless, know this:
1. Your friend who just had her first kid is scared shitless. She second guesses herself at every turn and wonders whether or not she is about to give her kid ebola/rabies/psycological trauma, etc. I know you miss your party friend, but she's in a new phase of life at the moment (and when the kids are older, party mom may just rear her head again for occasional old times).
2. She hasn't been getting a lot of sleep. Her new child doesn't care that she needs 8 hours of sleep to function. It will cry and wish to be fed whenever it wants. Cut her some slack.
3. Your friend who has lots of kids doesn't really have a lot of time on her hands. She's got a lot of stuff going on. She isn't intentionally ignoring your calls. It's really tough to get to the phone when she is standing in the middle of the grocery store and Billy is screaming "shit!" at the top of his lungs.
4. Just cause your friend is a mom doesn't mean that she's no longer fun. Invite her out once in awhile. She could use the grown up time.
For the moms, know this:
1. Your childless friend loves your kid, but she doesn't want to talk about it all the time. I know that you think her new nail polish, cooking class, trip to Europe pails in comparison to Billy screaming "shit!" at the top of his lungs at the grocery store, but these things mean something to her. Listen.
2. Some women don't look at not having kids as a failure. Some women are childless by choice. Please don't ask her, "so when are you having kids?" This question makes her skin crawl. (Unless she wants them, just not right now. Then the question is more of a mild annoyance. Don't ask it.)
3. Your single friend doesn't really want to meet every single friend that your husband has. Please stop trying to pair her off. Things will move along on their own.
There really isn't any reason that we can't all get along. Think of it this way - if you're a mom with childless friends, you have a plethora of babysitters at your disposal (just be considerate and don't ask all the time). You've got people who care about you, and by extension care about your kids. And one more thing: we love you, and we love your kids, but we never want you to lose yourself. Hang out with us and remind yourself who you used to be once in awhile. Me time = more productive mommy time.
If you're a childless woman with mom friends, this is for you - you never have to discipline the kids. You can give them cake for dinner and let them go to bed at 10. You don't have to yell at them. You always have an excuse to like Justin Beiber, Selena Gomez and Wizards of Waverly Place.
As long as we are all willing to respect each other's life choices with an air of mutual respect, we can all coexist in peace and harmony. Remember that other people's choices may be different, but that doesn't make them wrong. Just respect your friends for who they are. And keep a diverse mix.
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