Bride Wars

What is it about weddings that make women go off the deep end? From Bridezillas to Muriel's Wedding to Bride Wars, Hollywood has cashed in on the lengths that women will go to to have the perfect wedding. To be fair, not every woman that gets married goes off the deep end. Some women manage to be calm and collected throughout the planning process.

Liv and Emma in the aftermath of "it's all about me"

But this post isn't about them. It's about the anal retentive, stressed out crazy girls who morph from really nice people into monsters simply because someone put a ring on it. All of a sudden, her whole world revolves around hair stylists and flowers, dresses, cakes and photographers. Who's in, who's out, what's everyone wearing? It's exhausting.

The bride with the overzealous family

While we're at it, let's talk about bridesmaids for a minute. More than a few friendships have been ruined over bridesmaids. Either someone's feelings are hurt because they aren't in the wedding, or someone feels like they've gone above and beyond the call of duty and haven't been acknowledged. Bridesmaids are expected to fork over tons of money for dresses, venues, parties and more. Every once in awhile, there will be a maid of honor who expects everyone to attend high class events, and let's face it... when you're young and starting out, there isn't always money for such things. (For a hilarious spin on this conundrum, check out the movie Bridesmaids.)

On the other hand, brides have to put up with a lot of shit too. From the jealous friend who wants to make sure that the spotlight is on her, to the family that has to weigh in on every little thing, life isn't always fine and dandy for the bride.

So what is the deal? When did all of the wedding mumbo jumbo get so out of hand? Was it Charles and Di, or did it happen before that? Weddings are supposed to be a celebration of love and a joining of families. When did it become necessary to spend a gajillion dollars for one day? Are we trying to one up each other? Are we trying to impress people?

Don't get so caught up in the day that you crumble into bride land and forget every single person around you. Make sure that you are still communicating with your friends about something other than your impending wedding. Ask them what's up with them once in awhile. Don't forget to take breaks from the planning and be the person you really are for a few hours a week.

Oh Muriel. So desperate to get married that she finds a man in the paper.

And friends of the bride, this isn't about you. While it's okay to stick up for yourself if your bride is making you spend more than you feel comfortable with, don't criticize every decision. Better yet, if you know you can't afford to be a bridesmaid, turn her down. Just say, "Hey, I'm happy for you, but I don't have money to spend on a dress, bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc." And if you're jealous because you aren't the one getting married. Swallow it. Now is not the time for you to get ugly. You don't have to show up to the wedding in a sexy dress and hook up with the groomsmen simply because you can.

Better yet, let's quit trying to outdo one another over a day. It's one day out of your entire life. Your focus should be on what comes afterwards, not being a pretty princess. Don't get married simply for the wedding. Make sure that your man is really the one that you want to have and to hold for better or worse, etc.

Hungry Eyes

Here's one thing that you may not know about me. My day job involves working for an industry that promotes healthy, active living. I think this is great! Regualr exercise and healthy eating is good for the body and the soul. I know that when I don't eat properly, I feel sluggish, grumpy and less focused. And the same goes for exercise. When I work out regularly, I don't get sick as much, I sleep better and I get less severe PMS (TMI, I know, but it's a great side effect).

J. Love, you were never fat

Why am I telling you all of this? Because, although I am an advocate of people being active and healthy, I think that our obsession with bodies in this country has gotten out of control. With the advent of HDTV, I can actually observe how thin some of the celebrities that we worship are, and to be honest, I think it's sort of gross. We live in a world where famous people and models alike are photo shopped beyond recognition on the covers of magazines. When someone like Jennifer Love Hewitt gains a few pounds and wears a size 6 (gasp!), people talk about how "fat" she is.

I used to be a wannabe actress and a promo ho. I know what it's like to walk into a place where people say you've got great legs, but your boobs are too small and you need a padded bra, stat! I've seen people who always want to lose 5 pounds, even though they look fine the way they are.

Although I am concerned about the growing obesity problem in the U.S., I'd really like to know who decided that skeletal = beautiful. We all know that men would rather look at Kim Kardashian, but women want to look like Pippa Middleton (who in my opinion has an incredibly boyish figure). Women spend money on breast and butt implants trying to look like Miss Kim K, but they are also logging miles on the treadmill to get into a bikini.

As a big girl, I think that it's okay if we don't fit into a specified mold. I know that at 5'4" with an athletic build (meaning that I tend to carry muscle and bulk up, not that I look like Misty May-Treanor), I am never going to look like Miranda Kerr. I am okay with this. I know what's realistic for my body type. I know what it looks like in peak condition. Do I still want to lose a few? Of course! I'm human, and I'm over 30, which means that my metabolism is slowing down, and it's not as easy to get back into a size 4 once you've let yourself go.

It's okay to give yourself a break. For giggles, log onto the Craigslist Personals section, if you dare (the posts can get raunchy, but they are highly entertaining). I guarantee that 90% of the "Men Seeking Women" describe themselves as "attractive" regardless of what they look like. Men don't fret over a spare tire or holiday weight. We need to stop doing this too.

My advice... Stop trying to lose weight. If you want to be active to have fun, be healthy and boost your energy levels, great! More power to you. But stop trying to fit into someone else's idea of how you should look and start liking yourself. Besides, when you finally accept yourself the way you are and quit fretting over how you look, you may be less inclined to indulge in emotional eating, shopping, drinking, etc. And that's always good!